merry christmas!

24 Dec

And because you’ve been a good girl, nice to your parents and friendly to your friends, Santa has brung you a shiny new Campagnolo group set, your very own B43’s from Velocity, and a set of Rudy Project glasses.

But because you didn’t come on tonight’s Christ I’m Having Fun Christmas Ride, you were unable to collect them and Santa gave them to this crazy dude on a recumbent with a full mohawk of cable ties on his head.

And then Jesus cried and cried and cried. Until the skies were grey and the streets were filled with water and animals began pairing up and heading for the high land.

Lucky for you though, Jesus is a forgiving type dude and he says, “no harm done, I’m glad you’re dry and warm and maybe with your folks with beer and food really close by and I’ll look forward to you and all your other rad Sugar Spokes riding around. I’ll be looking down each Thursday thinking, so what, so God created the creatures of the sea and living things in the land and the winged birds in the sky, but I made the Sugar Spokes. And that’s wicked badass freaking cool.”

Lucky too I was there to hear him say that.

Ride hard. See you in the new year. Perhaps you just ride your good selves round to your mate’s place on New Year’s Eve and we’ll see you on the 7th.

(Thanks also to Fitzroy Revolutions for the last-minute glasses or I’d have gone blind riding to Jesus in the no shit it’s raining rain. They are in fact the real heroes behind this tale of Christmas Joy, but I reckon Jesus has Google Alerts and I don’t want him to get pissed off because I ranked him second.)


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